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Signs Your Driving School Instructor Is Nuts

The source of this one is unknown.

Your driving school instructor might be nuts if...

he claims "road rage" was his idea.
he touches his dashboard Jesus? (Ride home in the trunk.)
he Makes you stop at every fire hydrant so he can urinate on it.
she conducts lane change practice in her Jacuzzi.
he conducts the first week's lessons in two chairs using imaginary driving motions and engine sounds.
she insists on sitting in the back seat & being called "Miss Daisy."
he keeps stopping in the middle of your lesson to deliver pizzas.
he fails you unless you can get the airbag to pop.
instead of emergency brakes on his side of the car, he has a passenger-side accelerator and a mini bar stocked with Wild Turkey and Ho Ho's.
he has "P - R - D - 2 - 1" painted on his fly and keeps yelling, "Shift!"
he has a working saw blade on the hood and mutters about "fixing Speed Racer for good."
he immediately fails you because his Carmen Miranda-style hat doesn't fit in your Escort.
on Day One, the agenda is "Chinese Fire Drills", "Basic Mooning Techniques" and "Reloading a 9mm at 90 mph."
she always divides class into "shirts" and "skins."
he yells "England!" You're supposed to start driving on the other side of the road.
he insists you turn off the headlights and "use the Force."