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What NOT to Say to a Cop

No collection of humor would be complete without a good-natured tribute to our friends in law enforcement!

So, the next time you find yourself the object of the practice of this honorable profession, you might silent recall one of these humorous rejoinders which might cause a little smile to cross your face. Maybe that will, in turn, cause the officer to feel a bit more positive toward you. But, if you should be ask why you are smiling - lie like hell!

Are you Andy or Barney?
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Bad cop! No donut!
Could you give me another of those full cavity searches?
Didn't I see you get your but kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Hey, is that a 9 mm? How's that compare to this one here?
Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
I pay your salary!
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a trooper, but I decided to finish high school instead.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.
Is it true that people become troopers because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow.
Say Hi to your wife and my kids!
So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
So, uh, you on the take, or what?
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
When the Officer says "Your eyes look a bit red. Have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond, "Your eyes look a bit glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video camcorder.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

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