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Ad Terminology Decoded

Ever wonder about the REAL meaning of those terms in the ads? Here are some alternate interpretations. (Just kidding advertisers!)

Term Meaning

Air Conditioned: Broken windshield.

All Original: The owner never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.

Burns No Oil: It all leaks out.

Call for Price: Sucker!

Clean: Homeless dude at 5th and main did the windows.

Concours: Recently waxed.

Desirable Classic: No one wants it.

Dream Car: Like in a nightmare.

Drive It Anywhere: Within 10 miles.

Drive It Away: I live on a hill.

Engine Blueprinted: I don't know what it means either.

Engine Quiet: Uses 90-weight oil.

Excellent Condition: I lie well.

Excellent Gas Mileage: It's slow.

Exhaustive Restoration: The tailpipe was replaced.

Everything Works: ...well it did once!

Faster than a 'Vette: A Chevette.

Forced to Sell: Sell it or take it to the dump.

Good Investment: Can't be worth much less.

Good Tires: And that's all.

Good Transportation: It's ugly.

Great Enthusiasts Car: I'm looking for a sucker.

House Forces Sale: Neighbors complaining.

Illness Forces Sale: The owner is sick of neighbors complaining.

Immaculate: Recently washed.

Loaded with Options: ...none of which work!

Looks Like New: ...in the photo!

Lost Storage: They refused to repossess the car so they took the garage.

Lots of Potential: Doesn't run.

Low Miles: The odometer was turned back.

Must Sell: ...before it bankrupts me!

Must Sell Due to Move: More precisely, due to lack of move.

Near Mint: Owner lives near U.S. Mint.

Needs Major Overhaul: Phone the junkyard.

Needs Minor Cosmetics: Even Max Factor might go broke on this one.

Needs Minor Overhaul: Needs engine.

Needs Minor Repair: Doesn't run.

Needs Some Body Work: Most of the pieces are still here.

Never Apart: Bolts too rounded to loosen.

Never Smoked In: Unfortunately, that's the best thing that can be said about it.

New Paint: Has large bull's eye painted on driver's door.

90% Complete: You do the other 90%.

95% Complete: Other 5% doesn't exist.

No Time to Restore It: Can't obtain parts.

Older Restoration: First owner washed it.

One Owner: Can't give it away.

One Owner: Hertz.

Only 26,000 careful miles: The other 100,000 not so careful.

...Or Best Offer: I'm guessing here.

Original: It's really that old.

Original Owner: The owner is original, not the car.

Other Interests Conflict: Spouse's ultimatum: "either it goes or I do!"

Parts Car: Beyond repair.

Project Car: I can't figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.

Ran When Stored: Won't start.

Rare Classic: No one wanted it even when it was new.

Rebuilt Engine: Cleaned the spark plugs.

Restored, with 0 Miles: Won't start.

Restored, with 2 Miles: Won't stay running.

Rough Condition: Too bad to lie about.

Running Condition: Refers to owner after he sells the car.

Runs Fine: Barely runs.

Rust Free: No charge for the rust.

Solid: Just try moving it.

Solid as a Rock: Rusted solid.

Steal at $1,500: Yeah? Who's doing the stealing?

Stored 20 Years: Took that long to get it started.

Sure to Appreciate: That's why I'm selling it.

Towable: So is the Queen Mary.

Trades Considered: I'm desperate.

Well Maintained: The oil was changed occasionally

Won't Last Long at This Price: It's on its last let. It won't last long at any price.

Zero Miles Since Overhaul: All that money and work, and it still won't run.


Term	Meaning

Air Conditioned:	Broken windshield.
All Original:	The owner never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
Burns No Oil:	It all leaks out.
Call for Price:	Sucker!
Clean:	Homeless dude at 5th and main did the windows.
Concours:	Recently waxed.
Desirable Classic:	No one wants it.
Dream Car:	Like in a nightmare.
Drive It Anywhere:	Within 10 miles.
Drive It Away:	I live on a hill.
Engine Blueprinted:	I don't know what it means either.
Engine Quiet:	Uses 90-weight oil.
Excellent Condition:	I lie well.
Excellent Gas Mileage:	It's slow.
Exhaustive Restoration:	The tailpipe was replaced.
Everything Works:	...well it did once!
Faster than a 'Vette:	A Chevette.
Forced to Sell:	Sell it or take it to the dump.
Good Investment:	Can't be worth much less.
Good Tires:	And that's all.
Good Transportation:	It's ugly.
Great Enthusiasts Car:	I'm looking for a sucker.
House Forces Sale:	Neighbors complaining.
Illness Forces Sale:	The owner is sick of neighbors complaining.
Immaculate:	Recently washed.
Loaded with Options:	...none of which work!
Looks Like New:	...in the photo!
Lost Storage:	They refused to repossess the car so they took the garage.
Lots of Potential:	Doesn't run.
Low Miles:	The odometer was turned back.
Must Sell:	...before it bankrupts me!
Must Sell Due to Move:	More precisely, due to lack of move.
Near Mint:	Owner lives near U.S. Mint.
Needs Major Overhaul:	Phone the junkyard.
Needs Minor Cosmetics:	Even Max Factor might go broke on this one.
Needs Minor Overhaul:	Needs engine.
Needs Minor Repair:	Doesn't run.
Needs Some Body Work:	Most of the pieces are still here.
Never Apart:	Bolts too rounded to loosen.
Never Smoked In:	Unfortunately, that's the best thing that can be said about it.
New Paint:	Has large bull's eye painted on driver's door.
90% Complete:	You do the other 90%.
95% Complete:	Other 5% doesn't exist.
No Time to Restore It:	Can't obtain parts.
Older Restoration:	First owner washed it.
One Owner:	Can't give it away.
One Owner:	Hertz.
Only 26,000 careful miles:	The other 100,000 not so careful.
...Or Best Offer:	I'm guessing here.
Original:	It's really that old.
Original Owner:	The owner is original, not the car.
Other Interests Conflict:	Spouse's ultimatum: "either it goes or I do!"
Parts Car:	Beyond repair.
Project Car:	I can't figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.
Ran When Stored:	Won't start.
Rare Classic:	No one wanted it even when it was new.
Rebuilt Engine:	Cleaned the spark plugs.
Restored, with 0 Miles:	Won't start.
Restored, with 2 Miles:	Won't stay running.
Rough Condition:	Too bad to lie about.
Running Condition:	Refers to owner after he sells the car.
Runs Fine:	Barely runs.
Rust Free:	No charge for the rust.
Solid:	Just try moving it.
Solid as a Rock:	Rusted solid.
Steal at $1,500:	Yeah? Who's doing the stealing?
Stored 20 Years:	Took that long to get it started.
Sure to Appreciate:	That's why I'm selling it.
Towable:	So is the Queen Mary.
Trades Considered:	I'm desperate.
Well Maintained:	The oil was changed occasionally
Won't Last Long at This Price:	It's on its last let. It won't last long at any price.
Zero Miles Since Overhaul:	All that money and work, and it still won't run.

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